Icycle Creek
by dgharron
Summary: An AU story with OC's and mostly Callie, the mom's and probably Jude too. It takes place around the honey moon, but quickly veers left and Callie doesn't get arrested at the store. It also goes forward about 15 years.
1. Chapter 1

**_An/ Hopefully people like this, let me know. The first chapter is mostly oc but then Callie and the others come into play. Thanks for reading!_**

 _Joey POV_

 _I_ love Cosmo and the life we built together. He's like a soft warm couch for my heart to rest on. He's a good father, does his fair share of the work and he is able to make visitors feel at home and welcome, something that I was never much use at.

He is hard working too. He still works as a park ranger, even though the hair that is left on his head is gray and he no longer spends much time on a horse. With time, he's mellowed and become more reflective, no longer a complete science geek, always showing off his fancy science education.

For me the best part is that after all these years our paths are so intertwined and meshed together it almost seems like we get a stereo affect on our memories. When you add his memories to mine things come out deeper and more nuanced than just one view. His story telling has sharpened too, that's important because we tell a lot of stories up here. The winters can be long and isolating. The good stories are told over and over again. They get embellished with time, but they don't really change-after all its how we know who we are and how people know us—by our stories.

When friends visit, especially if its people who don't come by often, or whom we are just getting to know, we will sit in our grand room and feed the big old fire and spend the time swapping tales. There are a few Cosmo keeps on coming back to. One of the stories gets told often because hanging on the mantel is this big old picture that people remark over. Its this gorgeous black and white landscape, blown up big and framed. Its of a big old thunder head passing over the mesa. In the photo the cloud looks solid and menacing, almost like god has a sent a rock hurtling down to threaten the earth. People say things like, is that an Anselm Adams, or where did you get that. Cosmo will usually pull back a bit and look at me softly and say, "Oh just a dear friend who stayed with us for a while."

The conversation will go on, but as things wind down, someone will look at a smaller photo hanging off to the left, its of a beautiful brunette. She's a picture of youth and health and wild vitality. She is facing the camera, walking down a creek, holding a fishing rod, balancing on the rocks. The sun is in her hair and she has this smile that tells someone just how wonderful life could be, and yet, you look at the girls eyes, and you see at the same time just how sad life truly can be- it is pretty striking. What really makes the photo interesting, however, is the woman behind her towards the left of the frame. Its a woman in the prime of her life, she is standing straight and tall on a rock, positively regal. In the photo she looks either African or Native American and the way she stands reminds you of an an Egyptian queen, a modern Nefertiti or Cleopatra, formidable and imperious. Yet she is looking at the girl as only a mother can look at a child, only your not sure, cause they look so different. But you know for a fact that the teenager is about the most important thing in that woman's life, that as proud and as beautiful as the woman is, she would sacrifice anything for the child, the love just jumps right out of the photo and grabs you. Her glance is everything, prideful, fearful, joyous and deeply deeply concerned, somehow, despite the girls beauty, the woman is the heart of the photo. And you can see the connection, like some one took out a big black sharpie and drew an arrow between the two.

And Cosmo will look at me, then with a wink he'll say, "I blame that photo on Joey."

I'll play the part, be his straight man. I'll toss him a softball.

"It wasn't my fault," I protest, "what was I going to do?"

He'll shake his head, "One morning Joey tells me she's off to Albuquerque to sell some stuff, ten hours later she returns home wanted for kidnapping in two states."

He has everyone's attention at that point, and I appear to be with him, but really, in my mind, I'm on Icycle creek, staring down the lens of the camera, trying to capture a little bit of forever, doing my damnedest to accept that just because you find something, doesn't mean you need to keep it, no matter how good it would be . And as Cosmo natters on, weaving his words. I move further back in time back to how the whole thing began.

JOEY POV

At first I thought the guy was yelling because he wanted me to put the nuts back on the shelf, which made no sense because it was a mini-mart for god's sake. I started to tell the clown to put a lid on it and let me shop in peace, but stopped when i realized the guy was fussing at a teenager, a street kid, who was nonchalantly strolling down one of the grocery aisles, eating random food, like it was from her own pantry.

I stopped shopping and stood still, watching, wondering how the situation would play out. The girl was completely brazen, and it was a bit surreal and difficult to watch without smiling, that sort of pissed me off cause I like to believe I have seen everything. The girl didn't seem out of it or on drugs, she just didn't seem to care what the guy was doing. She just calmly walked and ate, I could of sworn the whole point was to get a reaction from the guy, or someone had dared her to make that guy mad.

If that was the case the guy behind the glass bit like the stupidest trout in a freshly stocked pond. I mean he was completely loosing it. " Keep eating that sandwich you skank, just keep on eating huh, bitch. I'm... I'm calling the cops." he was going all red in the face, actually shaking. When his hands disappeared from sight and started reaching under the counter my amusement became alarm, I mean under the counter is where people keep guns.

I didn't really care about the girl, but lets face it, pulling a gun on a kid eating a stale sandwich was a pure dickhead move, you would hate to see someone shot over something like that, so I quickly walked up to her, put my arm around her shoulder, and said, loudly, like everyone in the store was a little slow, "honey we're not home, they don't trust your going to pay."

I plucked the sandwich out of her hands and with the brunette still under my arm went to the counter and gave the guy the biggest eat shit smile I could get away with, then sweetly said , "how much do we owe you."

The guy started to say something, but I just kept looking at him, like I am looking at some nasty gopher hole. A version or my Thursday night poker look, calm but no bullshit either. The guy glanced at me for a second, and shut his mouth. Oh he muttered something under his breath, but he got busy scanning the food. I just kept watching but I knew he was all talk, no hat . I gave him my credit card and, as an off hand remark to the girl, " that's how they do things in the big city— friendly huh?"

After the doors had shut behind us and we we're standing under the floodlights of the mini mart, the girl turned to me like she was surprised a stranger might buy her dinner. " You realize I have no money."

"Really," I replied, like it was a big fucking surprise. But then softened, I mean she was a kid and its not like she asked for the money.

"Most homeless kids take my money and buy alcohol so i'm ahead of the game."

" I don't drink,"she said,.

I nearly replied "that what everyone say," but when I looked at her, I just couldn't see a shifty street kid. Even tired and scared and probably still shaky from tangling with that asshole, there was, I don't know a presence, an intelligence. It had a sad almost hopeless edge to it, but there was no Bullshit. I got the sense if the girl said she didn't drink, she didn't drink. Things were what they were for the girl.

I guess that was when I started to take an interest. Most teenagers don't really know up from down, but she did.

"Why didn't you just run," I was curious.

The girl looked at me for a second and then almost indignant said "Where to, huh ?"

"Is that the best you got?" A little disappointed that she couldn't could come up with a better reason.

She gave me this look, like I was nuts. And then just plopped herself down on the ground sitting on the low curb by the store. She unwrapped the sandwich and started eating, as if I wasn't even there.

Now people may not like me but they don't generally just dismiss me and I was about to tell her so, but then it hit me. The reason it had looked a bit like a show, is that's what it was, a show. She wanted food sure, but she also wanted a place to stay for the night where she had a reasonable chance of not being raped. I felt about as dumb and foolish as a car full of circus clowns.

"You wanted to get arrested?" I didn't rate it as much of a plan, but well I wasn't a teenage girl either. She kept chewing then swallowed and said a little bitterly, "well that's not going to happen is it?"

My daddy use to say, 'if you break it, you fix it,' and I couldn't see letting this girl spend the night on the street. Cosmo was going to give me crap, though I didn't think he was going to spend 15 years embellishing on my stupidity. ''6Well if you don't mind a bit of a drive, you could bunk with us for the night."

She just kept chewing and swallowing.

I sat down next to her on the curb.

"Honey I've raised three kids, I got a daughter probably 10 years older than you banging around Southern California doing all sorts of crazy thing. This is just me hoping for some good karma."

I smiled at the girl, empathizing. I have a soft place for people who want to do things their own way and don't like handouts. The girl took her eyes off the sandwich, stopped chewing and looked at me.

"Honey part of life is about taking advantage of a good thing when its in front of you. Besides country air will do you good. I opened the passenger side of the pick-up. And motioned for her "Cmon girl get in, we got a two hour drive and I got a mess of work to do in the morning, " and darned if she didn't pick up her blue duffel bag up off the pavement and move toward the truck. .

As I drove off I hit cd player, I had been listening to one Ravel's piano concertos. I turned to the girl and she was completely pale, like she had just seen a family of ghosts walk on by. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, so I hit the radio. It was a rap song about gay marriage, out of the corner of my eyes I could see tears running down her cheek. I never would have guessed.

Callie's POV—San Francisco

The open pizza box was sitting on a stack of boxes about four feet high. This morning the stack had been part of a row twice the size. Annie came over to us, and Jase picked her up and plopped her down next to the pizza. "Careful, honey its hot," she reached in and tore off a piece that was as large as her head. "He snorted, "here let me help." Annie handed him the slice with both hands and he tore it in half for her.

I got up off the floor where I had been sitting, munching contently on my hard earned pizza, groaned a bit as I straightened up and went to the kitchen to get a cup of milk for Annie, at least the kitchen was somewhat organized. "Cal, will you get some paper napkins."

I started rooting around in the cabinets opening and shutting doors, found the napkins, poured milk into a plastic cup and walked over with the roll.

"So what do ya think Annie," pretty cool house huh, he said smiling at her. And she smiled back, the morning's tantrum, brought on by missing gram, completely erased by a slice of pizza and daddy's smile.

I gave her the milk and ran my fingers through her soft curls. After pizza its into the bath with ya, girl friend." Still caressing her, I looked at Jase. "Do you know which box the bath toys are in?"

I'll get them, He hopped off the boxes, and in his haste knocked over a box marked in big black marker "Fragile". We both looked at each other grimacing. He righted the box and took out a jack knife and cut the tape. The first piece he pulled out was the jagged corner of a large ceramic plate the green gray color of snow melt emblazoned with jumping trout.

"Ugh, I'm sorry Callie, I've always admired it."

I looked at the piece in his hand and out of nowhere a wave of loss and hopelessness hit me. I couldn't explain how I could feel so desperately lonely, sure we had moved far from San Diego, but I was sitting with Jase and my precious child in a beautiful house. The feelings scared me and I started to cry almost hysterically. Jase looked at me in horror, but then with astonishment and a huge smile broke out on his face.

"Oh my god your pregnant." He came and hugged me hard and solid."

And for some reason I blurted out, "Stef is going to kill me." He laughed and I relaxed into the strength of his arms. burying my head against his shirt. He smelled of pizza and dust from the boxes we had been opening, a heady mix of old and new smells

Still sobbing I looked at him deadly serious, "Promise me we will call the baby Joey," I felt a little guilty asking him, because who is going to turn down a pregnant woman's first request, certainly not my husband. He looked at me, a little puzzled, "Sure.. but what if its a girl." His words made me feel completely misunderstood and I cried even harder, hoping that Stef and Lena could love a child with that woman's name on it.


	2. North of San Diego

**A/N**

If you're are reading this, thank you for your continued interest. I 've gotten one review but a number of followers, so I'm assuming some people are finding it interesting.

I've never written first person before so its a learning experience and it is one of the reasons for the delay, also windows 10 chewed up my copy...unbelievable! Finally, I didn't mean to start writing two stories. So I needed to take a step back and figure it out. I appreciate your patience. From a 10,000 foot view this is just me wondering what would have happened if Callie met a good soul at the mini-mart after she took off from the wedding. Clearly at some point Stef Lena and maybe some of the others will enter the picture. Hopefully by that time I will still have some readers.

 _ **Later that night**_

 _ **Callie POV**_

I could hear Jase's bedtime routine in the bathroom off our bedroom as I sat up in bed trying to read a law journal. My mind whirred and bounced unable to take in the words on the page. The pregnancy stick had showed positive, and the thump of his feet on tile, and the squeaking of the faucets turning on and off just knocked me further off kilter. Finally, he padded over to me, smelling of soap, his body warm and damp from the shower. He is so damn long that when he got into bed his left arm draped all the way across my shoulder and down to my elbow. I shut the book and just leaned into him.

"Hey Mama," he smiled at me. I knew he was going to say something like that.

"Are you gloating?" I looked up at him, wanting to hit that damn smug face, daring him to go over a line, but his smile was so genuine, it made me my stomach feel all liquidy and warm. He didn't just want another child, he wanted our child.

"Well I am the proud dad."

I shook my head, overwhelmed and daunted by the strange journey my body was about to take. Resenting how easy it would be for him. He pulled me closer to him, and kissed the top of my head.

I remembered, how Steph eyes crumpled and her mouth puckered into this beautiful broken smile when I had told her I was pregnant with Annie. How Lena then folded me into this hug that felt so warm and loving, it had blown from my mind all worries or concerns about the future.

I slept at night during the pregnancy confident that they would be there to catch my mistakes. They'd fill in whatever parts I had missed out on and never had had. My child would never be without. And it was so, Annie thrived.

Jase , he wasn't like that, he didn't have my worries. He believed in himself and that life would treat him kindly. It always had. But as I lay next to him, I thought this new little wrinkle growing in my wombs had also at least caught him off balance. It wasn't how we had dreamed about spending the first year or two in the Bay Area.

He sighed

"Are Stef and Lena really that upset with the move?"

"Its not the point, Jase" I said, angry that he didn't get it.

He rested his head on mine. And then touched my face, rubbing my chin with his free hand

You raise kids so that they'll grow up and conquer the world, you can't do that without ever leaving the nest."

" I don't think conquering the world was ever on their mind." I said bitterly. An image of me squinting at Lena in the harsh afternoon light outside Chula Vista, came to mind. My ribs were so bruised at the time, It hurt to stand there.

"Don't think for a second, they ever thought anything else," he said quickly, matching my anger or at least my heat. I looked-up at him, wondering did he really know them that well, or was it just his privileged arrogance talking

I frowned.

"Its not about them angry, its what I want for them, the whole family and our children,"

I paused thinking back through time, "They got my bad time. I was angry, everything was a transaction, even after they adopted me it took years to fully trust them. I must have hurt them so badly. Jase, I was horrible. And not just to them, all the kids. All they did was give me love, and all I did was reject it." I had tears in my eyes, " I want them to see me happy, to at least know it worked out, too share in it."

I could feel him tense up, we'd been over this before. Yet, how could he know. Everything he and his sister touched went well. They never stumbled, or so it seemed. It was hard sometimes to accept that he understood what its like to expect things to end badly.

I searched for a way to explain "You remember how when you and your boss and the geeky contract guy won the EMC account?" He took his chin off my head and looked at me. "Yeah the deal that got me the promotion,"

"You remember how you laughed about going back to the home office and taking a victory lap, to make sure everyone knew you were the guy behind the deal."

"Oooh.. kay," he said quizzically turning it into a question, drawing it out. "I wanted the credit"

"Well for me, the only victory lap that matters are the ones I take around the Steph and Lena's kitchen table. I want them to know when i'm proud of what i've done, when i'm happy."

He listened quietly, his dark brown eyes were quiet and somber. He knew so much about me. After all, secrets were nearly impossible to keep around our family, Jude was an open book, Jessus after all this time still just said whatever came to his mind But even with that there were things people glossed over, funny tales that elided darker feelings.

He breathed out softly "Callie, you all stuck around for years."

And I felt myself get angry tears in my eyes, "Damn Jase, They always said how they regretted not knowing and not being able to help me as a child, I thought this was a way they could have some of that, and the kids could get what I didn't."

He stiffened at that and I did too, the truth hurt, there were always going to be missing years for me, lost time without love or kindness, but I wasn't going to ever make my kids feel that way - like there wasn't enough love to go round.

He exhaled, "We can still unwind this, you know, I can use the family thing to go back to San Diego."

I looked up at him. He meant it too. He would turn down a job for me, for our family. I kissed his chest, I could feel a tear form in my eyes

No Jase, its not necessary. We'll be good, but you have to understand how much love I want these kids to have, I don't want them to ever know what its like not to have that.

"They won't babe, that's a promise."

I lay there listening to his heart, resting, smiling replaying the conversation, I reached up and kissed him hard on the lips. My heart full of love and sadness. I rolled over on top of him using my weight to push him down, running my hands over his smooth stomach, pinning him under my body, rubbing hard up against him, loving him for his kindness, and wishing, wishing to hell Joey wasn't on my mind.

 _ **In a Car north of Albuquerque, 15 years Earlier.**_

Calie POV

.

On the radio, Macklemore Rapped about love. Each heavy blast of bass was a blow to my stomach and when the singer trilled 'how she can't change,' I felt this cramping pain in my chest. The music was a time machine which sent me screaming back to Mariana toasting the moms, just two nights before. And as the radio played, I was again in that circle of joy and love, dancing from mother to sister to brother, and then back to mother, all the while knowing I was hurting and betraying every last person I touched. Hurting the people who helped me save Jude, deceiving those who stood with me in court when no else would. I remembered each painful step I took that night, how It took all my nerve to keep my legs moving and a smile pasted to my face, trying to keep up appearances, to not ruin their evening. Yet, for a brief second I had felt so free and unburdened of my shame the moment I walked out the door into the street.

But now, in the car, that shame roared back. It was a stain I couldn't wash off, that had leaked into my soul, and now it froze me to the seat. I could hardly breath my heart ached so, "How?how? How could I have kissed Brandon? What was I thinking? I was such an idiot. Stupid, stupid" It seemed I never learned, even the simplest lessons.

As the car moved rapidly through the night, I sat still in the darkness wondering where I could go from here. I had no skill, no family, just the clothes in my duffle bag. I turned in my seat toward the window, to look at the baron hills we were driving through, feeling more scared and alone than anytime I could remember. I had lost my parents, and had emptied myself of Jude. Everything I had was gone.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I had completely forgotten about the driver and was startle when her hand grazed against my shoulder. I turned to her feeling the way you do when someone see's you watching your self in the mirror, embarrased, unclean. I wished I was in the back seat so she couldn't see me.

"Hey there cookie," she said. "we've never been introduced, I'm Joey, Joey leibsohn."

She took her right hand off my shoulder and stuck it in front of my face. " Calli ," I managed to say.

She paused and looked at me, and underneath that sun burnt Western face, this beautiful almost child like smile cracked through and she said,

"Good Lord not with a 'K', I hope."

I wondered for a second what she meant , but something clicked, and I caught the reference and realized she felt as vulnerable as me. I mean for all she knew I was a wanted murderer.

For the first time I took a good look at the car. The SUV wasn't exactly a family car, but it had a lived in normal feeling, there were snaps of smiling people taped to the dash and a thick wad of papers and receipts bundled with a rubber band against the visor. A person with a life drove this car.

" Its Calli with a 'C,' I said, "The Indian God of death and destruction hasn't hitched a ride with you." The irony made me truly laugh what must have been for the first time since I kissed Brandon. She was as afraid of me and as I was of her,

She hooted an explosive 'Ha,' almost like the caricature of a big fat old Santa Claus, and gave me an appraising look

"A mini-mart bandit who studies eastern religion?,... you some sort of beatnik," she drawled it out, and then actually winked at me. It made me giggle, like we were part of a conspiracy. San Diego seemed to vanish. I was just in a car traveling with a smart and kind woman. Heading off together on a bit of adventure to a ranch in the country, two of a kind who understood each other jokes.

She had this boldness about her, she approached life like she handled things in the store. Nothing was too big for her, and she knew that you could handle things too, cause you were with her.

She was fast and quick like a creek rushing off the strangely beautiful hills surrounding us. It was heady and exhilarating stuff after a day of disappointment. For a brief moment another person like that crossed my mind, but I slammed the door on that thought quick. The past was gone.

"What's a beautiful Gal like you sporting a boy's name." I tried to keep up the good spirits.

"Well thank you cookie, but Josephine never really worked for me. Don't know what my folks were thinking when they named me that." She looked at me with this mischievous grin that any 11 year old boy would know.

Despite myself I laughed.

"So Callie that must be Irish." she asked.

Yeah my mom was Colleen, "I think she sort of named me for herself."

She cocked an eye at me, "I guess you are important to her."

"She's dead, " I said shrugging my shoulders, trying to let it go, like it was just a fact. Some cars are blue, some cars red. People are born, people die. This was who I was now or aimed to be.

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry cookie," and there was something in her tone and phrasing that made me believe she understood what it was like to have your world pulled out from under you.

"That's okay its been a while." I pronounced the words hoping if I said it enough it would be true, wondering if they sounded as empty as they felt.

"It's still hard cookie, being young without a mother,"

I looked away afraid she would see my eyes water. "If you grow up quick, its not that bad," I said, persisting, wanting it to be so.

She didn't respond, and I sneaked out of the corner of my eye a peak at her. She looked straight ahead peering out into the darkness. From a quiet space she said "The ranch is up in the hills a bit but we get to town a lot so when you want to move on it will be easy enough."

She turned to me and said directly and seriously, "I imagine you can stay for a good spell, there are things you can do to make yourself useful"...She then laughed a bit to herself,.." just don't piss off the proprietor."

"Who is the proprietor," I said warily.

...She turned to me again , this time with a bit of a smirk "Why, honey, Me!"

She said it brightly likely it was punchline to a joke. After a pause She added "And Cosmo too, but if you piss him off you get an award."

"Really," I laughed.

"Yeah, no one has ever been able to do it."

 **Joey POV**

The girl, Callie, was exhausted. She fell asleep maybe ten miles out of Albuquerque. All the time she was clutching the duffel bag, like it was a life preserver and she was some stranded swimmer.

As I drove I looked at her from time to time. She was way too young to be floating around. She couldn't be more than 15, and she seemed a young 15 at that. If she was 18 or 20 it would be more understandable. Every year a few of those drift into Santa Fe, artistic wannabes, or just lost souls seeking god knows what.

But she smelled young and innocent. Someone, somewhere, was wondering where this gal was. She was smart and funny and gentle, trusting in some ways. At some point in her life she had both given and received love and kindness. It was her default setting.

Yet there was another part here. Something bad had happened, I didn't know if someone was dead, but whatever it was, it had pushed her to run. Some sick-ass step father or foster dad, maybe. I looked at her sleeping, wondering if it was just the old mom in me trying to take care of the world. But dear lord she looked a child when she slept.

It made me want to pick-up the phone and call my Shelly, tell her something crazy like how proud I was of her and that I love her. And that she and Bea, better get their asses up to the ranch for Christmas.

As I was shifting into second to get up Carson Ridge. The girl, Callie, stirred for a bit, and then shifted in her seat .

"Sorry, I guess I wasn't good company on the drive," was the first things out of her mouth when she woke. It brought home to me that she wasn't a street kid constantly thinking about herself first in order to survive

"Looks like you had quite a day,"

"Yeah I did," I could hear the sadness in her voice.

I wanted to ask more, but sometimes you show your care by asking and sometime by being quiet. I figured I was best to let this one come to me. Besides I'm not the talker of the family, or the deep thinker for that matter.

I always was more comfortable with hows than why's. I showed my love by bandaging a wound well, by making sure the bed linen was fresh and there were flowers in the room. I was never much good with putting words to feelings.

" Tonight it will be easiest to sleep in a side room we got, we use it for guests, it even has a bathroom, so you should be good there for a couple of nights."

She didn't say anything. And just to make sure she didn't get worried when she woke I added.

"Now In the morning if you see this old lout parading around in a uniform and a gun and looking like he has a stick up his but, that's Cosmo. He's a park ranger, but I promise you he is harmless."

Thinking about Cosmo, always just makes me smile so I had to add,

"Well he could bore you to death talking about the 22 varieties of pine trees we have up here, but that's about it. If you see him, don't think we called the cop's to send you back from where ever you came."

I looked at her and she had this blank almost apprehensive look on her face, and I wondered a little more about what she was running from.

"Uh now, cookie, this is where you tell me you're not wanted in three states for four different felonies," right?

The girl looked down sheepishly and tightly shook her head,

We had reached the plateau, so I focused my attention on the road , shifting back into third. She didn't say anything more and I just drove for the ten or so minutes it took to get to the ranch.


End file.
